Should I wait for him? Should I wait for her? You’ve come out of a long-term relationship but are still hanging on to the hope that you will get back together again. Months have passed and you’re saying to yourself : should I wait for him (her)? The voices in your head tell you that you are not good enough. What’s worse is that you begin to believe what the voices are saying. Your confidence wavers and so begins the downward spiral.
Before you surrender control over your life to someone else, consider the devastating consequences of accepting to be someone’s second choice. Take the necessary steps to leave the past where it belongs…in the past! By putting yourself first, you build the foundation for a future where healthy and happy relationships thrive.
Here are a few tips to get you moving in the right direction:
Leverage your Single status: Your dating skills are rusty? Don’t sweat it. Get out there and date for the pleasure of it without burdening yourself to figure it all out. Be cheerful and stay positive. Have fun, relax and trust yourself.
Your date is a potential partner, not a therapist: There is absolutely no advantage to be gained by discussing your past relationships in the early stages of dating. On the contrary, it is the one thing guaranteed to be a turn off and to end a potential relationship before it begins. If you need help getting over the past, speak to a professional.
Avoid stereotyping: It’s easy to fall into the trap of stereotypes. When you have little information to go on, the default is to use stereotypes based on what you think you know. This is another sure method for remaining single. People don’t all neatly fall into categories that you can simply discount because of misinformation.
Forget the grocery list: Dating is about discovery. Limiting yourself to a grocery list of criteria that is inconsequential to your true happiness will ensure you remain single. Keep an open mind and remember…you’re in the market for a compatible life partner not a made-to-measure companion.
Compare at your risk and peril: Comparing your date to your past partner is unfair and unproductive. Get to know the person in front of you and look to the future. That is the only way to discover what this person has to offer and whether he/she is right for you.
If you’ve come to the wise conclusion that being someone’s second choice is no longer working for you, move on!
Paola Graziani
Personal Coach
