I was recently having a coffee in a restaurant near my office and found myself sitting next to a man at the bar. He struck up a conversation and asked me what I did for a living. When I told him that I was a matchmaker he was really intrigued and felt the need to start confiding in me. ”Every time I meet a nice girl, she won’t go out on a second date with me” he said with a look of desperation. ”What’s wrong with women these days?”. Maybe he forgot to consider himself as being part of the problem. I proceeded to ask him a few questions and his answers clearly revealed what was going on. Here is the advice that I gave him.
1) Stop conducting the first date as an interview. Discussion should be light and superficial. Talk about you passions, ask about hers. Keep the interview for the next person you intend to hire at the office. And if by chance you speak to your date on the phone before meeting in person keep it light, set a time and take it from there.
2) Stop setting the rules of the game from day one. I recently met a man who told me that he skis every weekend during winter and that this is a non-negotiable. He lays down the condition the minute he meets a woman that he could be interested in. Seriously, is this really something important enough in choosing a partner? Could you imagine your life skiing twice a month instead of weekly or would you prefer to remain single?
3) Stop texting during your date. So, your buddy wants to know if you’ll be at the hockey game next week. I think he can wait an hour or so for your reply. While you’re at it, you should turn your smartphone off during the date. Especially a first date. Put your priorities in the right place.
4) Look at your shoes. You’re wearing your good sweater and nice jeans but your laced, round ended worn out shoes are sticking out like a sore thumb. Women notice shoes. Ask one of your female friends to help you pick out a good pair for your next date.
5) You’re thrifty. Great! The waiter at the coffee shop hands you the check and you ask your date for a few dollars to cover her share. This will almost certainly guarantee that this will be the first and only date with the lady sitting in front of you. If she offers, politely decline and promptly pay without hesitation.
6) Don’t discuss your ex-girlfriends. Just don’t!
7) Personal hygiene. Do I really have to mention this? Unfortunately I do. You must smell good, have brushed your teeth and make sure your hands and fingernails are clean. In fact you have to reflect the type of person that you are hoping to attract!
Joan S. Paiement
